He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
