We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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