You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
