The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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