Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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