he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
