would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
