...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
