I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
