in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
