i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
