is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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