Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
