How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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