i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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