is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
