Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
