I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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