1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i would punch a child for taco bell
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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