Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
that's an acceptable place to lick
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This couple is walking their pig around campus
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
