just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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