u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
