How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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