I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
