People in love make me want to vomit
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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