I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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