my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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