I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
