i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
