FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
