You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
