Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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