I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
