Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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