You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
