OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
