Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
