I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
