I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
