my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
