I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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