people are starting to question the shark bite story
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
