If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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