Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you mean i was at the winter classic?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
