I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
