My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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