btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
