So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
