Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
