it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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