I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
